My Mediterranean Sea

You were my Mediterranean dream,                                                                                             My Mediterranean sea
of sparkling water
bouncing off of a Turquoise tablecloth,
laced in sunlight
scattered                                                                                                                                                 with little stars
with layers of coastlines for days,
just out of reach.
Your waters frothing                                                                                                                           a forbidden beach
I, at a top of a cliff,
Ready to fall                                                                                                                                            fall                                                                                                                                                              fall                                                                                                                                                              into you

And
let the wind carry me.

 

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Forehead Kisses

Forehead kisses

I would burrow my head in your chest

and hibernate through all seasons

You loved me with strong warm arms

and When I was sad you would

hold my chin between finger and thumb

You would stroke my hair

forehead kisses

How you would tell me to stop being silly,

forehead kisses

How I felt sick to the stomach

at

how you felt more like a father than a lover to me,

in the end.

I was home with you but I wanted to run away,

I know little girls grow into women,

But you kept saying,

Stay, stay, stay.

With You

With you,

I didn’t write for a whole year

Because I was so happy,

La la la

In pretty dresses,

My Sunday best,

Your arms warm

wrapped around me like a

fuzzy cocoon,

I didn’t want to wake up.

 

I wrap myself in blankets now,

I traded dresses for trousers,

I don’t wear much makeup anymore;

I am starting to think it was all for you.

Maybe it was,

Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.

 

Perhaps  now I’ll make my own cocoon

And

I will stop waking up at 3am,  wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.

Porcelain Beauty

It’s always hard when someone is in love with the idea of you

Like One false move

One wrong step

And your porcelain image will shatter in front of them,

Cracks will appear

To reveal your weaknesses and your downfalls and your past mistakes

And you will no longer be this out of reach

human

beauty

porn-star.

You are real and raw and you shit and you cry

And you are so imperfect

So wayward

So backwards in your flawlessness

It’s the artificial parts of you that they bloodlust after

Not the thoughts, emotions and feelings that overwhelm

you

It scares them that a pretty little thing can feel so much

And so

Of course, they run away

As fast as they can

With the hope that cracks do not appear

in the next porcelain beauty.