You were my Mediterranean dream, My Mediterranean sea
of sparkling water
bouncing off of a Turquoise tablecloth,
laced in sunlight
scattered with little stars
with layers of coastlines for days,
just out of reach.
Your waters frothing a forbidden beach
I, at a top of a cliff,
Ready to fall fall fall into you
let the wind carry me.
I would burrow my head in your chest
and hibernate through all seasons
You loved me with strong warm arms
and When I was sad you would
hold my chin between finger and thumb
You would stroke my hair
How you would tell me to stop being silly,
How I felt sick to the stomach
how you felt more like a father than a lover to me,
in the end.
I was home with you but I wanted to run away,
I know little girls grow into women,
But you kept saying,
Stay, stay, stay.
I didn’t write for a whole year
Because I was so happy,
La la la
In pretty dresses,
My Sunday best,
Your arms warm
wrapped around me like a
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wrap myself in blankets now,
I traded dresses for trousers,
I don’t wear much makeup anymore;
I am starting to think it was all for you.
Maybe it was,
Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.
Perhaps now I’ll make my own cocoon
I will stop waking up at 3am, wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.
It’s always hard when someone is in love with the idea of you
Like One false move
One wrong step
And your porcelain image will shatter in front of them,
Cracks will appear
To reveal your weaknesses and your downfalls and your past mistakes
And you will no longer be this out of reach
You are real and raw and you shit and you cry
And you are so imperfect
So backwards in your flawlessness
It’s the artificial parts of you that they bloodlust after
Not the thoughts, emotions and feelings that overwhelm
It scares them that a pretty little thing can feel so much
Of course, they run away
As fast as they can
With the hope that cracks do not appear
in the next porcelain beauty.