The morning I left, I left you in bed
with a coffee-stained love note.
My shirt, only half tucked in,
My hair only half done, a loose bun,
but I was halfway out the door
with one shoe on and a triangle of toast
dangling from my cherry red lips.
How I did not kiss you goodbye in fear of branding you bloody
How whilst on my early commute to work
I wished I had.
Before the move;
Ape, murmur, obey.
I am twin of your voice
What a shame I wear day
As though I were insane,
You obedient with moves, bold echoing
motions, image, moods
Until you rock the enemy
Then you move
The chess piece starter
to be grown, sensible,
whilst I maddening.
Our Love pencil smudged.
How you could not help but make it anything but mathematical,
How I could not help but hate you for it.
Our Tracing paper love ripped
Your logical brain and my rubber heart a useless eraser,
Did she feel how I feel?
Will you keep on the straight and narrow
don’t you dare pencil me out now
and fall in love with the point of the compass
whilst detesting my soft projector curve,
Was I too woman for you?
The sharp point of your own silver compass, cold and piercing,
How I would always come back to you, scratched,
my heart a fistful of crumpled equation paper.
How I would try to multiply and add whilst you would divide and
subtract our relationship.
How you could never quite let me go.
So go ahead, Tell me Again,
Tell Me you love me 360 degrees.
The witching hour
Our midnight equinox secret
The raven blood and white magic that bound us together
Your love a mood stone of contrasting colours how you could not love me just black and white
A star name
An in the next life darling,
The universe of us rotating,
Parallel lines aligned, the stars finally coming together,
Oh, won’t you love me until the sky turns black and the stars scatter.
I didn’t write for a whole year
Because I was so happy,
La la la
In pretty dresses,
My Sunday best,
Your arms warm
wrapped around me like a
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wrap myself in blankets now,
I traded dresses for trousers,
I don’t wear much makeup anymore;
I am starting to think it was all for you.
Maybe it was,
Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.
Perhaps now I’ll make my own cocoon
I will stop waking up at 3am, wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.
It’s always hard when someone is in love with the idea of you
Like One false move
One wrong step
And your porcelain image will shatter in front of them,
Cracks will appear
To reveal your weaknesses and your downfalls and your past mistakes
And you will no longer be this out of reach
You are real and raw and you shit and you cry
And you are so imperfect
So backwards in your flawlessness
It’s the artificial parts of you that they bloodlust after
Not the thoughts, emotions and feelings that overwhelm
It scares them that a pretty little thing can feel so much
Of course, they run away
As fast as they can
With the hope that cracks do not appear
in the next porcelain beauty.
Distance came to me a year later,
Tall and handsome,
he had not changed.
But, You haven’t known Distance.
Not until he says hello,
and you can’t recognise his voice anymore
Until he hugs you
and his arms
Until you breathe him in
but his scent has been
I was certain I only knew Distance
once you were no longer familiar
But two years later,
Distance came again,
I welcomed him back
like an old friend.
My willow tree/
All bark and brown and
Suddenly changes/ the weather tugs
At milk clouds/birds disperse/
A storm ahead/ humid grey and orange streaks
The rain almost disbands in on itself/ Then
A thousand tiny drop-
see what happens next/
The sky said to the willow tree,
As the sun tickled my neck to say hello
And ‘don’t forget about me’/
the sky a purple florid
a pop of white/
I welcomed the milky way /that night
in willow tree dreams
You see that I don’t look so good in yellow, like your other dolls they do.
Yellow daffodils that matched her dress
The sun in her eyes as she lay down to rest,
She waited and waited for him to arrive
But the day it grew cold
As she opened her eyes,
Where are you? She wondered
Heartbeat in mouth,
The sun it was going
Tears they fell down
Creases in dress as she whispered his name,
It was spring when he left
And spring when he came.