Move on, my mother told me.
If you wait for him,
you will be an old woman.
But how long does someone wait
when they would walk through fire
to reach you?
Tag: books
Wildfire Love
And your name will pop up every blue moon as a warning mainly, remember him?
The friends who knew me then will say I loved you far too much, such a mistake they say, we are so happy you are in a better place.
Because there was love and then there was him.
But they do not know I am still right where you left. Eighteen, with bright wide eyes, my chaotic mind and wonky heart, still waiting for you to come back. I swear, this lifetime will pass in winters and summers, in life and death, and I will still love you. Years and decades will come and I will search for you in other people, I will see you in crowds, will swear I glimpsed your face for only a moment.
Because ours was a wildfire love.
It spread too quickly and before we could say slow down, we were engulfed, We were too caught up in each other, With each red and orange flame licked kiss bringing us to the precipice of our messed up teenage romance.
Because there was love and then there was us.
By Night
By night, the map of your body
is like the warmth of sunlight on my hands.
I swear
I could,
with dancing fingertips
trace your outline continuously
Until insanity
came for me.
My Joy
I am convinced I had not known pure joy until I met you.
Of course, I had felt sunbeams on my face and seen beauty in sunsets and the sound of the ocean. Heard a baby’s laugh and slept in someone’s arms that I loved. Seen snowflakes and sunrises and many wondrous things. But I would have given up all pleasures of the world for you. It is not a secret that you will never stop dazzling me. I had never known beauty until you and I would not be surprised if I lived my whole life and never found wonder again.
Chess Piece Lover
Before the move;
Ape, murmur, obey.
I am twin of your voice
Mirror it
What a shame I wear day
As though I were insane,
You obedient with moves, bold echoing
motions, image, moods
Until you rock the enemy
Then you move
The chess piece starter
How incredible
to be grown, sensible,
whilst I maddening.
With You
With you,
I didn’t write for a whole year
Because I was so happy,
La la la
In pretty dresses,
My Sunday best,
Your arms warm
wrapped around me like a
fuzzy cocoon,
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wrap myself in blankets now,
I traded dresses for trousers,
I don’t wear much makeup anymore;
I am starting to think it was all for you.
Maybe it was,
Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.
Perhaps now I’ll make my own cocoon
And
I will stop waking up at 3am, wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.
Porcelain Beauty
It’s always hard when someone is in love with the idea of you
Like One false move
One wrong step
And your porcelain image will shatter in front of them,
Cracks will appear
To reveal your weaknesses and your downfalls and your past mistakes
And you will no longer be this out of reach
human
beauty
porn-star.
You are real and raw and you shit and you cry
And you are so imperfect
So wayward
So backwards in your flawlessness
It’s the artificial parts of you that they bloodlust after
Not the thoughts, emotions and feelings that overwhelm
you
It scares them that a pretty little thing can feel so much
And so
Of course, they run away
As fast as they can
With the hope that cracks do not appear
in the next porcelain beauty.
Distance
Distance came to me a year later,
Tall and handsome,
he had not changed.
But, You haven’t known Distance.
Not until he says hello,
and you can’t recognise his voice anymore
Until he hugs you
and his arms
feel foreign,
Until you breathe him in
but his scent has been
forgotten.
I was certain I only knew Distance
once you were no longer familiar
to me.
But two years later,
Distance came again,
and
I welcomed him back
like an old friend.
Willow Tree Dreams
My willow tree/
dream
All bark and brown and
leafy green/
Suddenly changes/ the weather tugs
At milk clouds/birds disperse/
A storm ahead/ humid grey and orange streaks
The rain almost disbands in on itself/ Then
An explosion/
A thousand tiny drop-
lets
see what happens next/
The sky said to the willow tree,
As the sun tickled my neck to say hello
And ‘don’t forget about me’/
the sky a purple florid
Then dusk
a pop of white/
I welcomed the milky way /that night
in willow tree dreams
Away
I went to the Irish countryside
to get away from you
To breathe the clearer air in
To breathe you out for good.
Myself, ah, I found myself again!
I found Laughter
a cabin in the woods.
Thank goodness
Ireland made me a home,
Because I was never home
with you.
In Rathdrum, County Wicklow
mountains, streams,
and forestry,
A little farm
away from you,
You far away from me.
How refreshing to wake up to birdsong
instead of your mother tongue,
When you would drown me in water kisses.
How you would laugh
as I held my breath
counting, 1,2,3
screaming
internally
1,2,3
Let me go let me go
let me leave.
