The Vacation Girl and The Men who Came to See Her

I am a dream holiday

A winning lottery ticket

A pre-suicidal Marilyn

Narcotic Beauty

They say, being with me is like chasing a fantasy

I’m always almost certain the novelty will wear off

What a curse it is, to be the type of woman who comes afterwards

to men who have already seen the world.

When you know he will go back to where he started off all along,

When you leave for vacation you always come home.

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Yellow Hope

That little room with bright yellow walls

How we laughed our way through the winter and summer

 

I hope yellow paint will always remind you

of my sunshine smile

My outdoor inside voice

My head on your chest

I hope you look back and think of that year together as magic

a time where you felt true happiness

 

I hope you meet another girl with a wild soul too

I hope you will be kind when she finds you.

 

-Yellow is the brightest color of the visible spectrum, and it is the most noticeable of all colors by the human eye. It means happiness and optimism; it is the color of sun shining, or bright light and creativity. … It is the color of high energy, enthusiasm, hope, fun, and cheerfulness.

Wildfire Love

And your name will pop up every blue moon as a warning mainly, remember him?

The friends who knew me then will say I loved you far too much, such a mistake they say, we are so happy you are in a better place.

Because there was love and then there was him.

But they do not know I am still right where you left. Eighteen, with bright wide eyes, my chaotic mind and wonky heart, still waiting for you to come back. I swear, this lifetime will pass in winters and summers, in life and death, and I will still love you. Years and decades will come and I will search for you in other people, I will see you in crowds, will swear I glimpsed your face for only a moment.

Because ours was a wildfire love.

It spread too quickly and before we could say slow down, we were engulfed,                    We were too caught up in each other,                                                                                        With each red and orange flame licked kiss bringing us to the precipice                              of our messed up teenage romance.

Because there was love and then there was us.

With Him

With you,

 

I didn’t write for a whole year Because I was so happy 

La la la In pretty dresses

My Sunday best

Your arms wrapped around me like a fuzzy cocoon

I didn’t want to wake up.

 

I wrap myself in blankets now

I traded dresses for trousers

I don’t wear much makeup anymore

I am starting to think it was all for you

 

Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end

 

But maybe now 

I will make my own cocoon 

And I will stop waking up at 3am  

wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.

 

Rollercoaster Love

My life with you was a rollercoaster ride

I did not want to get off

I was used to the rise and fall in my tummy

Used to the chaos you brought

Used to the mess you left

 

There were nights when I was tucked into him

peaceful, quiet, safe,

Where I longed for your fast paced kiss.

By Night

By night, the map of your body

is like the warmth of sunlight on my hands.

I swear

I could,

with     dancing    fingertips 

trace your outline continuously

Until insanity      

came for me.

My Joy

I am convinced I had not known pure joy until I met you.

Of course, I had felt sunbeams on my face and seen beauty in sunsets and the sound of the ocean. Heard a baby’s laugh and slept in someone’s arms that I loved. Seen snowflakes and sunrises and many wondrous things. But I would have given up all pleasures of the world for you. It is not a secret that you will never stop dazzling me. I had never known beauty until you and I would not be surprised if I lived my whole life and never found wonder again.

Coffee Stained Love

The morning I left, I left you in bed

with a coffee-stained love note.

My shirt, only half tucked in,

My hair only half done, a loose bun,

but I was  halfway out the door

with one shoe on and a triangle of toast

dangling from my cherry red lips.

 

How I did not kiss you goodbye  in fear of branding you bloody

How whilst on my early commute to work

I wished I had.

Chess Piece Lover

Before the move;

Ape, murmur, obey.

I am twin of your voice

Mirror it

 

What a shame I wear day

As though I were insane,

You obedient with moves, bold echoing

motions, image, moods

 

Until you rock the enemy

Then you move

The chess piece starter

 

How incredible

to be grown, sensible,

whilst I maddening.

 

 

 

 

 

Love Equations

Our Love pencil smudged.

How you could not help but make it anything but mathematical,

How I could not help but hate you for it.

Our Tracing paper love ripped

Your logical brain and  my rubber heart a useless eraser,

Erase-her

Did she feel how I feel?

Will you keep on the straight and narrow

don’t you dare pencil me out now

and fall in love with the point of the compass

whilst detesting my soft projector  curve,

Was I too woman for you?

The sharp  point of your own silver compass, cold and piercing,

How I would always come back to you, scratched,

my heart a fistful of crumpled equation paper.

How I would try to multiply and add whilst you would divide and

subtract our relationship.

How you could never quite let me go.

So go ahead, Tell me Again,

Tell Me you love me 360 degrees.