I am a dream holiday
A winning lottery ticket
A pre-suicidal Marilyn
They say, being with me is like chasing a fantasy
I’m always almost certain the novelty will wear off
What a curse it is, to be the type of woman who comes afterwards
to men who have already seen the world.
When you know he will go back to where he started off all along,
When you leave for vacation you always come home.
That little room with bright yellow walls
How we laughed our way through the winter and summer
I hope yellow paint will always remind you
of my sunshine smile
My outdoor inside voice
My head on your chest
I hope you look back and think of that year together as magic
a time where you felt true happiness
I hope you meet another girl with a wild soul too
I hope you will be kind when she finds you.
-Yellow is the brightest color of the visible spectrum, and it is the most noticeable of all colors by the human eye. It means happiness and optimism; it is the color of sun shining, or bright light and creativity. … It is the color of high energy, enthusiasm, hope, fun, and cheerfulness.
And your name will pop up every blue moon as a warning mainly, remember him?
The friends who knew me then will say I loved you far too much, such a mistake they say, we are so happy you are in a better place.
Because there was love and then there was him.
But they do not know I am still right where you left. Eighteen, with bright wide eyes, my chaotic mind and wonky heart, still waiting for you to come back. I swear, this lifetime will pass in winters and summers, in life and death, and I will still love you. Years and decades will come and I will search for you in other people, I will see you in crowds, will swear I glimpsed your face for only a moment.
Because ours was a wildfire love.
It spread too quickly and before we could say slow down, we were engulfed, We were too caught up in each other, With each red and orange flame licked kiss bringing us to the precipice of our messed up teenage romance.
Because there was love and then there was us.
I didn’t write for a whole year Because I was so happy
La la la In pretty dresses
My Sunday best
Your arms wrapped around me like a fuzzy cocoon
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wrap myself in blankets now
I traded dresses for trousers
I don’t wear much makeup anymore
I am starting to think it was all for you
Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end
But maybe now
I will make my own cocoon
And I will stop waking up at 3am
wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.
My life with you was a rollercoaster ride
I did not want to get off
I was used to the rise and fall in my tummy
Used to the chaos you brought
Used to the mess you left
There were nights when I was tucked into him
peaceful, quiet, safe,
Where I longed for your fast paced kiss.
By night, the map of your body
is like the warmth of sunlight on my hands.
with dancing fingertips
trace your outline continuously
came for me.
I am convinced I had not known pure joy until I met you.
Of course, I had felt sunbeams on my face and seen beauty in sunsets and the sound of the ocean. Heard a baby’s laugh and slept in someone’s arms that I loved. Seen snowflakes and sunrises and many wondrous things. But I would have given up all pleasures of the world for you. It is not a secret that you will never stop dazzling me. I had never known beauty until you and I would not be surprised if I lived my whole life and never found wonder again.
The morning I left, I left you in bed
with a coffee-stained love note.
My shirt, only half tucked in,
My hair only half done, a loose bun,
but I was halfway out the door
with one shoe on and a triangle of toast
dangling from my cherry red lips.
How I did not kiss you goodbye in fear of branding you bloody
How whilst on my early commute to work
I wished I had.
Before the move;
Ape, murmur, obey.
I am twin of your voice
What a shame I wear day
As though I were insane,
You obedient with moves, bold echoing
motions, image, moods
Until you rock the enemy
Then you move
The chess piece starter
to be grown, sensible,
whilst I maddening.
Our Love pencil smudged.
How you could not help but make it anything but mathematical,
How I could not help but hate you for it.
Our Tracing paper love ripped
Your logical brain and my rubber heart a useless eraser,
Did she feel how I feel?
Will you keep on the straight and narrow
don’t you dare pencil me out now
and fall in love with the point of the compass
whilst detesting my soft projector curve,
Was I too woman for you?
The sharp point of your own silver compass, cold and piercing,
How I would always come back to you, scratched,
my heart a fistful of crumpled equation paper.
How I would try to multiply and add whilst you would divide and
subtract our relationship.
How you could never quite let me go.
So go ahead, Tell me Again,
Tell Me you love me 360 degrees.