The morning I left, I left you in bed
with a coffee-stained love note.
My shirt, only half tucked in,
My hair only half done, a loose bun,
but I was halfway out the door
with one shoe on and a triangle of toast
dangling from my cherry red lips.
How I did not kiss you goodbye in fear of branding you bloody
How whilst on my early commute to work
I wished I had.
Before the move;
Ape, murmur, obey.
I am twin of your voice
What a shame I wear day
As though I were insane,
You obedient with moves, bold echoing
motions, image, moods
Until you rock the enemy
Then you move
The chess piece starter
to be grown, sensible,
whilst I maddening.
Our Love pencil smudged.
How you could not help but make it anything but mathematical,
How I could not help but hate you for it.
Our Tracing paper love ripped
Your logical brain and my rubber heart a useless eraser,
Did she feel how I feel?
Will you keep on the straight and narrow
don’t you dare pencil me out now
and fall in love with the point of the compass
whilst detesting my soft projector curve,
Was I too woman for you?
The sharp point of your own silver compass, cold and piercing,
How I would always come back to you, scratched,
my heart a fistful of crumpled equation paper.
How I would try to multiply and add whilst you would divide and
subtract our relationship.
How you could never quite let me go.
So go ahead, Tell me Again,
Tell Me you love me 360 degrees.
The witching hour
Our midnight equinox secret
The raven blood and white magic that bound us together
Your love a mood stone of contrasting colours how you could not love me just black and white
A star name
An in the next life darling,
The universe of us rotating,
Parallel lines aligned, the stars finally coming together,
Oh, won’t you love me until the sky turns black and the stars scatter.
You were my Mediterranean dream, My Mediterranean sea
of sparkling water
bouncing off of a Turquoise tablecloth,
laced in sunlight
scattered with little stars
with layers of coastlines for days,
just out of reach.
Your waters frothing a forbidden beach
I, at a top of a cliff,
Ready to fall fall fall into you
let the wind carry me.
I would burrow my head in your chest
and hibernate through all seasons
You loved me with strong warm arms
and When I was sad you would
hold my chin between finger and thumb
You would stroke my hair
How you would tell me to stop being silly,
How I felt sick to the stomach
how you felt more like a father than a lover to me,
in the end.
I was home with you but I wanted to run away,
I know little girls grow into women,
But you kept saying,
Stay, stay, stay.
I didn’t write for a whole year
Because I was so happy,
La la la
In pretty dresses,
My Sunday best,
Your arms warm
wrapped around me like a
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wrap myself in blankets now,
I traded dresses for trousers,
I don’t wear much makeup anymore;
I am starting to think it was all for you.
Maybe it was,
Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.
Perhaps now I’ll make my own cocoon
I will stop waking up at 3am, wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.