I am a dream holiday
A winning lottery ticket
A pre-suicidal Marilyn
They say, being with me is like chasing a fantasy
I’m always almost certain the novelty will wear off
What a curse it is, to be the type of woman who comes afterwards
to men who have already seen the world.
When you know he will go back to where he started off all along,
When you leave for vacation you always come home.
My life with you was a rollercoaster ride
I did not want to get off
I was used to the rise and fall in my tummy
Used to the chaos you brought
Used to the mess you left
There were nights when I was tucked into him
peaceful, quiet, safe,
Where I longed for your fast paced kiss.
I didn’t write for a whole year
Because I was so happy,
La la la
In pretty dresses,
My Sunday best,
Your arms warm
wrapped around me like a
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wrap myself in blankets now,
I traded dresses for trousers,
I don’t wear much makeup anymore;
I am starting to think it was all for you.
Maybe it was,
Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.
Perhaps now I’ll make my own cocoon
I will stop waking up at 3am, wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.
If I had a daughter
I would tell her
each tear that falls is diamond water.
Do not waste them on unworthy men
My mother says, do not trust
the blue-eyed boys
Look carefully, she says
For the growl
from in between his teeth.
He will gnaw you to white bone,
he will cut through you like rope,
the hint of the devil curled into the corner of his mouth
liquor, against her
he could not see the fire
In her ribcage of flames
so burn him to the ground
Before he has a chance to put it out.
You flew free.
The caged little bird grew up to be a wild raven,
Walking over the ashes of lost men.
So, again, my dear child.
Each tear that falls is diamond water,
Do not waste them on unworthy men.
NIC- newly industrialised person
And the word boyfriend sounded foreign to me
As if it should be spoken from another girl’s lips.
When I did say it, it was through a gravel mouth
as though I was cursing your half smile and rough hands
that furrowed brow, how everything was a thought process to you. (Love cannot and should not be analysed, databased or calculated).
And as though I had not heard from you in one hundred years,
I Extricated Myself.
Your ice eyes and my tense body
something falls together
Is not how quickly it will fall apart.
Distance can drown your lungs as every gasp of air is filled with someone else’s laugh
That water laugh
all light and salt,