The Vacation Girl and The Men who Came to See Her

I am a dream holiday

A winning lottery ticket

A pre-suicidal Marilyn

Narcotic Beauty

They say, being with me is like chasing a fantasy

I’m always almost certain the novelty will wear off

What a curse it is, to be the type of woman who comes afterwards

to men who have already seen the world.

When you know he will go back to where he started off all along,

When you leave for vacation you always come home.

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Rollercoaster Love

My life with you was a rollercoaster ride

I did not want to get off

I was used to the rise and fall in my tummy

Used to the chaos you brought

Used to the mess you left

 

There were nights when I was tucked into him

peaceful, quiet, safe,

Where I longed for your fast paced kiss.

With You

With you,

I didn’t write for a whole year

Because I was so happy,

La la la

In pretty dresses,

My Sunday best,

Your arms warm

wrapped around me like a

fuzzy cocoon,

I didn’t want to wake up.

 

I wrap myself in blankets now,

I traded dresses for trousers,

I don’t wear much makeup anymore;

I am starting to think it was all for you.

Maybe it was,

Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.

 

Perhaps  now I’ll make my own cocoon

And

I will stop waking up at 3am,  wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.

Diamond Water

If I had a daughter

I would tell her

each tear that falls is diamond water.

 

Do not waste them on unworthy men

My mother says, do not trust

the blue-eyed boys

who smile,

Look carefully, she says

For the growl

escaping

from in between his teeth.

He will gnaw you to white bone,

The sinew

he will cut through you like rope,

 

the hint of the devil curled into the corner of his mouth

Prohibition-

liquor, against her

he could not see the fire

In her ribcage of flames

so burn him to the ground

Before he has a chance to put it out.

 

You flew free.

The caged little bird grew up to be a wild raven,

A Wanderess,

Walking over the ashes of lost men.

 

So, again, my dear child.

Each tear that falls is diamond water,

Do not waste them on unworthy men.

NIC[ountry]

 

NIC- newly industrialised person

 

And the word boyfriend sounded foreign to me

As if it should be spoken from another girl’s lips.

When I did say it, it was through a gravel mouth

as though I was cursing your half smile and rough hands

that furrowed brow, how everything was a thought process to you. (Love cannot and should not be analysed, databased or calculated).

And as though I had not heard from you in one hundred years,

I Extricated Myself.

Your ice eyes and my tense body

parts

How quickly

something falls together

Is not how quickly it will fall apart.

Distance can drown your lungs as every gasp of air is filled with someone else’s laugh

maNIC

DNA

That water laugh

all light and salt,

Dead-ly.

End-ed.