Your Rollercoaster Girl

Spoken Word Poetry

I think you were waiting for me to tell you that you were off the hook three years of your life wasted the sigh of relief at breaking the contract the oath of the long haul smashed my heart in pieces and ate the soft centre the look of surprise as though you were unaware there would be sharp edges blood dripping from your mouth onto our white pillows the ones we bought in the Zara home sale will you still remember my name five years from now and my lollipop tongue will you miss my smell my laugh and think of me sometimes like pepper spray to the eyes it will hurt like the pain I felt when you left remember the Ikea furniture flat pack all over our living room floor there is still a pink stain on the wall from the wine glass I smashed in a temper tantrum like a child I throw things and like an adult you walk away from me but difference is you don’t come back I leave the mark there for proof that I did not imagine our love that felt like forever but turned into regret what do you do when it is painful to stay and painful to go I think I will sit here and wait I think you will walk as fast as you can away from that rollercoaster girl.

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You

Happiness looks pretty on us my love 

All I see is you

My heart is full

Is yours too?

Can we stay like this forever my love?

Before I change my mind

Before you do 

Before we find someone new.

In the End

That was how I loved you in the end

From the top of a cliff

Jumping 

A leap of faith in the dark

Falling

with grasping reaching arms

Not knowing 

if you were at the bottom

to catch me

Or not. 

Burnt

Move on, my mother told me.

If you wait for him,

you will be an old woman.

But how long does someone wait

when they would walk through fire

to reach you?

Three Years

You told me the love story of how your mother and father met. They were young. They loved and left. Three years later they found each other again, somehow, by chance. Love returned. I loved this story. I guess, I thought, if I waited long enough you would come back to me too. We would have that epic love story that was always on the precipice, on the tips of our tongues, in the way you would look at me, in the way I would look at you. But the years passed, in seasons, in ups and downs, as life always does, and we did cross paths, lives, even bodies; I let you into my home, my bed. But you were a visitor and you never quite returned to me. You were older now, ambitious, but still the same to me. I was older now too, you said, all grown up, 25. It’s funny. But in my mind I was still 22, right there where you left, like a child I stood, just waiting for you to come back home. 

Ours

Ours was a love story told many times before.

How we found each other without looking and how it lasted for as long as it could.

I will always remember that corridor behind that green door in that quaint little city.

How we would both call it home for a year.

The Mermaid and her Human Loves

At the edge of the deep green sea 

There lived a mermaid with auburn hair

Blue eyed, she was beautiful and fair

With a smile that could cut a man in half

And a heart of fire and glass.

She wore

a necklace

Five ivory

Sea-shells

each representing five lost loves.

For to fall in love with a human when you are part of the sea was forbidden and rare. There are mermen for that, her father would tell her.

The first human love was soft and kind, but when human lips met mermaid lips, death stole him for his own. 

The second was brave and bold, but he had a jealous heart and fought the mermen, hard. It does not do to fall in love with mermaids and the mermen took him soon enough.

The third would bring freshly plucked purple flowers every day and would place them at her green, enchanting tail. 

The fourth grew cold and impatient at her mermaid ways and moved away.

The fifth grew obsessed with the ways of the sea and he drowned.

The mermaid never really knew what happened to the third love, but strangely, once a year, she would find a lavender flower by her tail. The mermaid began to dream in vivid purple and she went mad with longing in the end. The years passed and when death visited her, she left with him gladly.

Her third love, in grief and madness, returned with a small boat made of pine wood and purple flowers. For many years, he sailed around the deep green sea in search of his mermaid love, scattering violet flowers into the waves as he went.

Midnight Blue

You were with me when I had my mid-twenties crisis

And cut off all of my hair

Even you could not save me from myself

I know you would try

Madness runs in my family, I’d say, laughing

A cherry stem between my teeth

Chunks of midnight hair in my hands.

The Flower

I was that little girl who would water dead flowers to try to bring them back to life

Who grew into a woman who would love and give too much.

Even now, I am sad when fresh flowers, vibrant and beautiful, die.

I think that was how you left me in the end. Unwatered and clinging to life. 

The Goddess and the Sailor Boy

The secrets of us were tucked between my ribs

With writings of love and loss and

inklings of passion, betrayal

The story of a goddess and a sailor boy

her palm pressed against the milky moon

How she tried to keep him close with incantations

But always knew he belonged to the waves of the sea

and there was no keeping him from it

The goddess was seasick but the sailor was free.