Dysphoria

He chose me for my sadness, he told me; the challenge of it, of replacing the dead weight with life, my pallor with English rose. I know a project when I see one, he said, appraising my rib-caged flesh, my hollow eyes.  With each button opening, a mans desire. When he was done, I was sure I had counted each ceiling tile twice, compartmentalised each shade of white and grey, the slight mould of green in the left corner, the opal spider’s web on the right, the light flicker. My leaden legs shaking slightly with the weight of him; his breath in my ear. I wanted to slice him, groin to neck, and back again. But I soothed myself, my girly wiles, count to ten, then back again, Just remember to smile. 

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Just Breathe

And you always had to remind me

to breathe

as though you were not the one

suffocating me

My lungs in your hands. My shaking body,

begging you to stop squeezing.

Go on, tell me again,

tell me how much you love me.

That Hollywood Girl

They say she was born with a Marilyn Monroe fate

And many a handsome James dean came her way

How she was always ready with a flash of a 

Californian girl smile and a Hollywood laugh

Dressed up to the nines, pin-up girl thighs,

With that Dita Von Teese show girl vibe.

Well,

What’s a girl to do?

Why

Break their pretty red hearts in two.

Everything and Nothing

Everything made sense with you

Nothing made sense with you

Your Rollercoaster Girl

Spoken Word Poetry

I think you were waiting for me to tell you that you were off the hook three years of your life wasted the sigh of relief at breaking the contract the oath of the long haul smashed my heart in pieces and ate the soft centre the look of surprise as though you were unaware there would be sharp edges blood dripping from your mouth onto our white pillows the ones we bought in the Zara home sale will you still remember my name five years from now and my lollipop tongue will you miss my smell my laugh and think of me sometimes like pepper spray to the eyes it will hurt like the pain I felt when you left remember the Ikea furniture flat pack all over our living room floor there is still a pink stain on the wall from the wine glass I smashed in a temper tantrum like a child I throw things and like an adult you walk away from me but difference is you don’t come back I leave the mark there for proof that I did not imagine our love that felt like forever but turned into regret what do you do when it is painful to stay and painful to go I think I will sit here and wait I think you will walk as fast as you can away from that rollercoaster girl.

You

Happiness looks pretty on us my love 

All I see is you

My heart is full

Is yours too?

Can we stay like this forever my love?

Before I change my mind

Before you do 

Before we find someone new.

In the End

That was how I loved you in the end

From the top of a cliff

Jumping 

A leap of faith in the dark

Falling

with grasping reaching arms

Not knowing 

if you were at the bottom

to catch me

Or not. 

Burnt

Move on, my mother told me.

If you wait for him,

you will be an old woman.

But how long does someone wait

when they would walk through fire

to reach you?

Laughing Together

Laughter is everything in a relationship.

When the clapping stops and the theatre is quiet, isn’t it time to leave?

WOMEN

My Acrostic poem for International Women’s Day 2019.

W ild Women, hear us roar. We have been rising from the ashes for years. Did you see us coming?

O ur ability to be what we want to be in Society today. The votes, the choices we have. The sacrifices our predecessors made. But how many women all over the world are still fighting to get their voices heard?

M en we call you to arms to support us as we promise to support you. We know the world is tough on you too.

E pitome of strength and courage. Do you hear how fierce our hearts beat? Does it scare you or does it make you proud? Of your daughters, your sisters?

N ow it is our time to remind the world of our journey. Do you see how far we have come? Do you see how far we have still to go?