Everything and Nothing

Everything made sense with you

Nothing made sense with you

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Your Rollercoaster Girl

I think you were waiting for me to tell you that you were off the hook three years of your life wasted the sigh of relief at breaking the contract the oath of the long haul smashed my heart in pieces and ate the soft centre the look of surprise as though you were unaware there would be sharp edges blood dripping from your mouth onto our white pillows the ones we bought in the Zara home sale will you still remember my name five years from now and my lollipop tongue will you miss my smell my laugh and think of me sometimes like pepper spray to the eyes it will hurt like the agony I felt when you left remember the Ikea furniture flat pack all over our living room floor there is still a pink stain on the wall from the wine glass I smashed in a temper tantrum like a child I throw things and like an adult you walk away from me but difference is you don’t come back I leave the mark there for proof that I did not imagine our red raw lust love that felt like forever but turned bone white regret what do you do when it is painful to stay and painful to go I think I will sit here and wait I think you will walk as fast as you can away from that rollercoaster girl.

You

Happiness looks pretty on us my love 

All I see is you

My heart is full

Is yours too?

Can we stay like this forever my love?

Before I change my mind

Before you do 

Before we find someone new.

In the End

That was how I loved you in the end

From the top of a cliff

Jumping 

A leap of faith in the dark

Falling

with grasping reaching arms

Not knowing 

if you were at the bottom

to catch me

Or not. 

Burnt

Move on, my mother told me.

If you wait for him,

you will be an old woman.

But how long does someone wait

when they would walk through fire

to reach you?

Laughing Together

Laughter is everything in a relationship.

When the clapping stops and the theatre is quiet, isn’t it time to leave?

WOMEN

My Acrostic poem for International Women’s Day 2019.

W ild Women, hear us roar. We have been rising from the ashes for years. Did you see us coming?

O ur ability to be what we want to be in Society today. The votes, the choices we have. The sacrifices our predecessors made. But how many women all over the world are still fighting to get their voices heard?

M en we call you to arms to support us as we promise to support you. We know the world is tough on you too.

E pitome of strength and courage. Do you hear how fierce our hearts beat? Does it scare you or does it make you proud? Of your daughters, your sisters?

N ow it is our time to remind the world of our journey. Do you see how far we have come? Do you see how far we have still to go?

The Flower

I was that little girl who would water dead flowers to try to bring them back to life

Who grew into a woman who would love and give too much.

Even now, I am sad when fresh flowers, vibrant and beautiful, die.

I think that was how you left me in the end. Unwatered and clinging to life. 

Favourite Things

We were each other’s favourite thing

It was more than a lover’s fling

You held me close and stroked my hair

We were such a perfect pair

Although no labels

We were true

There could never be another you

I loved I loved 

You tried and tried

The day came for us to say goodbye

You wiped my tears away and sighed

I’ll see you soon

Just please don’t cry

I dare not say it

I just closed my eyes

I’ll love you till’ the day I die

The Blooms

 I bought myself flowers through sadness

Or sadness through flowers, I could not tell

but with the hope that their blooms would lift lift lift me up away from the dirt the rot the human disappointment.

I often dream of those spring walks with you when I would pluck flowers from the ground, sprinkling earth from its roots, velvet petals against my nose, my cheeks,

but my nails would dig into their stems, your flesh, as I clung to you both,

And you,

Always there with a smile and a no.