He chose me for my sadness, he told me; the challenge of it, of replacing the dead weight with life, my pallor with English rose. I know a project when I see one, he said, appraising my rib-caged flesh, my hollow eyes. With each button opening, a mans desire. When he was done, I was sure I had counted each ceiling tile twice, compartmentalised each shade of white and grey, the slight mould of green in the left corner, the opal spider’s web on the right, the light flicker. My leaden legs shaking slightly with the weight of him; his breath in my ear. I wanted to slice him, groin to neck, and back again. But I soothed myself, my girly wiles, count to ten, then back again, Just remember to smile.
And you always had to remind me
as though you were not the one
My lungs in your hands. My shaking body,
begging you to stop squeezing.
Go on, tell me again,
tell me how much you love me.
They say she was born with a Marilyn Monroe fate
And many a handsome James dean came her way
How she was always ready with a flash of a
Californian girl smile and a Hollywood laugh
Dressed up to the nines, pin-up girl thighs,
With that Dita Von Teese show girl vibe.
What’s a girl to do?
Break their pretty red hearts in two.
Everything made sense with you
Nothing made sense with you
Spoken Word Poetry
I think you were waiting for me to tell you that you were off the hook three years of your life wasted the sigh of relief at breaking the contract the oath of the long haul smashed my heart in pieces and ate the soft centre the look of surprise as though you were unaware there would be sharp edges blood dripping from your mouth onto our white pillows the ones we bought in the Zara home sale will you still remember my name five years from now and my lollipop tongue will you miss my smell my laugh and think of me sometimes like pepper spray to the eyes it will hurt like the pain I felt when you left remember the Ikea furniture flat pack all over our living room floor there is still a pink stain on the wall from the wine glass I smashed in a temper tantrum like a child I throw things and like an adult you walk away from me but difference is you don’t come back I leave the mark there for proof that I did not imagine our love that felt like forever but turned into regret what do you do when it is painful to stay and painful to go I think I will sit here and wait I think you will walk as fast as you can away from that rollercoaster girl.
Happiness looks pretty on us my love
All I see is you
My heart is full
Is yours too?
Can we stay like this forever my love?
Before I change my mind
Before you do
Before we find someone new.
That was how I loved you in the end
From the top of a cliff
A leap of faith in the dark
with grasping reaching arms
if you were at the bottom
to catch me