Millennial Love

Spoken word Poem.


I think if you were a better man you could have loved me better, but maybe we were just the worst thing that could have happened to each other.

I knew our millennial love was over in dust, when we started to talk about us in the past tense, and face away from each other when undressing and in bed, when we both pretended to be asleep, You couldn’t hold eye contact when we made love but yours were no longer the arms I would run to if our house, our life, our world  was burning down, my annoying habits were no longer endearing and you hated the sound of my laugh, how irritating  you were to me too, the relief when I kept thinking thank fuck we didn’t get married or get that joint bank account or have that baby we talked about when we were young and had less frown lines when life felt light the way only two people who are in love can feel it, I wonder how we got here, if it was me or you, but I hate the way you shout at me, at nothing sometimes, you are not handsome to me anymore, just unkind, stagnant, I don’t think I am as beautiful as when you met me, as when you loved me, I think that it is ok to age I think it is ok to walk away from love I think it is brave to look at someone  and say, I no longer love you, need you, want you,  I think it is ok to grieve  but remembering  grief always makes the other person seem better than what they were, like a saint on a pedestal with a light shining on them from above, fuck, I hope you find someone unlike me, I hope she is polar opposite even, and brings the light back into your eyes, the smile back to your lips, I hope you test the waters before you spend the rest of your life with someone else, I hope love find you when you aren’t looking and I hope the next one lasts, I hope the next one lasts.

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Laughing Together

Laughter is everything in a relationship.

When the clapping stops and the theatre is quiet, isn’t it time to leave?

The Goddess and the Sailor Boy

The secrets of us were tucked between my ribs

With writings of love and loss and

inklings of passion, betrayal

The story of a goddess and a sailor boy

her palm pressed against the milky moon

How she tried to keep him close with incantations

But always knew he belonged to the waves of the sea

and there was no keeping him from it

The goddess was seasick but the sailor was free.

The Blooms

 I bought myself flowers through sadness

Or sadness through flowers, I could not tell

but with the hope that their blooms would lift lift lift me up away from the dirt the rot the human disappointment.

I often dream of those spring walks with you when I would pluck flowers from the ground, sprinkling earth from its roots, velvet petals against my nose, my cheeks,

but my nails would dig into their stems, your flesh, as I clung to you both,

And you,

Always there with a smile and a no.

The Wild Girls

The wild girls run

With Hellhound hearts

and pretty boys who did not stand a chance

Whiplash kisses

and mistakes they held like trophies

All the things you’d say to make them stay

The come-to-bed eyes, the bottles of gin, used matches

an Intoxication anomaly but

There is fire in you yet, your mother said,

Do you remember? That guilt you never wore again.

Forehead Kisses

Forehead kisses

I would burrow my head in your chest

and hibernate through all seasons

You loved me with strong warm arms

and When I was sad you would

hold my chin between finger and thumb

You would stroke my hair

forehead kisses

How you would tell me to stop being silly,

forehead kisses

How I felt sick to the stomach

at

how you felt more like a father than a lover to me,

in the end.

I was home with you but I wanted to run away,

I know little girls grow into women,

But you kept saying,

Stay, stay, stay.

Distance

 

Distance came to me a year later,

Tall and handsome,

he had not changed.

 

But, You haven’t known Distance.

Not until he says hello,

and you can’t recognise his voice anymore

 

Until he hugs you

and his arms

feel foreign,

 

Until you breathe him in

but his scent has been

forgotten.

 

I was certain I only knew Distance

once you were no longer familiar

to me.

 

But two years later,

Distance came again,

and

I welcomed him back

like an old friend.

 

 

Keaton

You were cushion dimples and

creased white sheets,

forgotten books under a canopy bed.

We slept back to back

Our little fortress in tact

But with no intimacy.

We settled,

Rushing through chapters

Just a quick page turn

before the happy ending with somebody else.

 

The silence.

The stay or go…

Be sweltering hot or freeze?

Let’s sit on the fence for years.

 

The tensed arm around my shoulders

The cliché in the movie theatre

My too-high pitched giggle

The smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes,

That I love you kiss that felt more like you are comfortable to me.

The familiar taste of coffee on your mouth,

Flat white,

We kissed with eyes open.

It wasn’t love that we had and we knew it.

It wasn’t anything, anymore.

But why do I still stay with you, when it’s true you’re not really the one?

And why don’t I just keep on looking for him?

Because once I found him, but now he is gone.

He Wore Forgiveness Well

A soul mate is the one who can drag you giggling with forgiveness from the cellar they locked you in.
– SierraDeMuller

 

He wore forgiveness well.

with his half smile and buttoned up shirt

the slight hesitation before he kissed my cheek

the half-hearted apology

 

Ex’s come back to haunt

Dead bodies rise up to the surface in the end

Even when you spend your life burying them

The ghosts in the closet were part of you

You broke my pretty red heart in two.

 

But

He wore forgiveness well.

with his half smile and buttoned up shirt

the slight hesitation before he kissed my cheek

the half-hearted apology.

 

 

-Tina Rose

 

 

You are an anxiety attack

Because I think about you and my blood turns to ice

and my first instinct

Is to curl into a ball and protect myself.

You are an anxiety attack.

My breaths come out in

short gasps

heart palpitations

I want to scratch you

out from the inside of my brain with fingernails filled with blood from scratching at the love bites you left on my neck.

You always had a way with words

But I wonder what you’d say if I told you,

you make me want to kill myself.