I didn’t write for a whole year Because I was so happy
La la la In pretty dresses
My Sunday best
Your arms wrapped around me like a fuzzy cocoon
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wrap myself in blankets now
I traded dresses for trousers
I don’t wear much makeup anymore
I am starting to think it was all for you
Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end
But maybe now
I will make my own cocoon
And I will stop waking up at 3am
wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.
I would burrow my head in your chest
and hibernate through all seasons
You loved me with strong warm arms
and When I was sad you would
hold my chin between finger and thumb
You would stroke my hair
How you would tell me to stop being silly,
How I felt sick to the stomach
how you felt more like a father than a lover to me,
in the end.
I was home with you but I wanted to run away,
I know little girls grow into women,
But you kept saying,
Stay, stay, stay.
If I had a daughter
I would tell her
each tear that falls is diamond water.
Do not waste them on unworthy men
My mother says, do not trust
the blue-eyed boys
Look carefully, she says
For the growl
from in between his teeth.
He will gnaw you to white bone,
he will cut through you like rope,
the hint of the devil curled into the corner of his mouth
liquor, against her
he could not see the fire
In her ribcage of flames
so burn him to the ground
Before he has a chance to put it out.
You flew free.
The caged little bird grew up to be a wild raven,
Walking over the ashes of lost men.
So, again, my dear child.
Each tear that falls is diamond water,
Do not waste them on unworthy men.