With Him

With you,

 

I didn’t write for a whole year Because I was so happy 

La la la In pretty dresses

My Sunday best

Your arms wrapped around me like a fuzzy cocoon

I didn’t want to wake up.

 

I wrap myself in blankets now

I traded dresses for trousers

I don’t wear much makeup anymore

I am starting to think it was all for you

 

Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end

 

But maybe now 

I will make my own cocoon 

And I will stop waking up at 3am  

wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.

 

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Forehead Kisses

Forehead kisses

I would burrow my head in your chest

and hibernate through all seasons

You loved me with strong warm arms

and When I was sad you would

hold my chin between finger and thumb

You would stroke my hair

forehead kisses

How you would tell me to stop being silly,

forehead kisses

How I felt sick to the stomach

at

how you felt more like a father than a lover to me,

in the end.

I was home with you but I wanted to run away,

I know little girls grow into women,

But you kept saying,

Stay, stay, stay.

Diamond Water

If I had a daughter

I would tell her

each tear that falls is diamond water.

 

Do not waste them on unworthy men

My mother says, do not trust

the blue-eyed boys

who smile,

Look carefully, she says

For the growl

escaping

from in between his teeth.

He will gnaw you to white bone,

The sinew

he will cut through you like rope,

 

the hint of the devil curled into the corner of his mouth

Prohibition-

liquor, against her

he could not see the fire

In her ribcage of flames

so burn him to the ground

Before he has a chance to put it out.

 

You flew free.

The caged little bird grew up to be a wild raven,

A Wanderess,

Walking over the ashes of lost men.

 

So, again, my dear child.

Each tear that falls is diamond water,

Do not waste them on unworthy men.