I am convinced I had not known pure joy until I met you.
Of course, I had felt sunbeams on my face and seen beauty in sunsets and the sound of the ocean. Heard a baby’s laugh and slept in someone’s arms that I loved. Seen snowflakes and sunrises and many wondrous things. But I would have given up all pleasures of the world for you. It is not a secret that you will never stop dazzling me. I had never known beauty until you and I would not be surprised if I lived my whole life and never found wonder again.
Distance came to me a year later,
Tall and handsome,
he had not changed.
But, You haven’t known Distance.
Not until he says hello,
and you can’t recognise his voice anymore
Until he hugs you
and his arms
Until you breathe him in
but his scent has been
I was certain I only knew Distance
once you were no longer familiar
But two years later,
Distance came again,
I welcomed him back
like an old friend.
I always thought we’d find our way back together, somehow, sometime, someplace. And we did. But we were older and we had changed.
You had made me cold.
You left. You were always good at walking away.
You did not look back this time.
You should have told me that you wanted to fight.
Because I think about you and my blood turns to ice
and my first instinct
Is to curl into a ball and protect myself.
You are an anxiety attack.
My breaths come out in
I want to scratch you
out from the inside of my brain with fingernails filled with blood from scratching at the love bites you left on my neck.
You always had a way with words
But I wonder what you’d say if I told you,
you make me want to kill myself.