With You

With you,

I didn’t write for a whole year

Because I was so happy,

La la la

In pretty dresses,

My Sunday best,

Your arms warm

wrapped around me like a

fuzzy cocoon,

I didn’t want to wake up.

 

I wrap myself in blankets now,

I traded dresses for trousers,

I don’t wear much makeup anymore;

I am starting to think it was all for you.

Maybe it was,

Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.

 

Perhaps  now I’ll make my own cocoon

And

I will stop waking up at 3am,  wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.

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Fight for Us

I always thought we’d find our way back together, somehow, sometime, someplace.                                                                                    And we did. But we were older and we had changed.

You had made me cold.

You left. You were always good at walking away.

You did not look back this time.

You should have told me that you wanted to fight.

Keaton

You were cushion dimples and

creased white sheets,

forgotten books under a canopy bed.

We slept back to back

Our little fortress in tact

But with no intimacy.

We settled,

Rushing through chapters

Just a quick page turn

before the happy ending with somebody else.

 

The silence.

The stay or go…

Be sweltering hot or freeze?

Let’s sit on the fence for years.

 

The tensed arm around my shoulders

The cliché in the movie theatre

My too-high pitched giggle

The smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes,

That I love you kiss that felt more like you are comfortable to me.

The familiar taste of coffee on your mouth,

Flat white,

We kissed with eyes open.

It wasn’t love that we had and we knew it.

It wasn’t anything, anymore.

But why do I still stay with you, when it’s true you’re not really the one?

And why don’t I just keep on looking for him?

Because once I found him, but now he is gone.

He Wore Forgiveness Well

A soul mate is the one who can drag you giggling with forgiveness from the cellar they locked you in.
– SierraDeMuller

 

He wore forgiveness well.

with his half smile and buttoned up shirt

the slight hesitation before he kissed my cheek

the half-hearted apology

 

Ex’s come back to haunt

Dead bodies rise up to the surface in the end

Even when you spend your life burying them

The ghosts in the closet were part of you

You broke my pretty red heart in two.

 

But

He wore forgiveness well.

with his half smile and buttoned up shirt

the slight hesitation before he kissed my cheek

the half-hearted apology.

 

 

-Tina Rose

 

 

Broken Wings

 

‘You’re like a broken bird’, he said.

‘I want to fix you up and set you free.’

I said, ‘what if I’m not worth saving?’

He replied, ‘but you are.’

He paused. ‘It’s ok to be a little broken you know.’

-Tina Rose

When You Said You Could Not Stay

And all the words you ever said,

They all reside inside my head.

The promises you made,

The memories

They fade.

The songs we did not play,

The kisses gone to waste

When you said you could not stay.

-Tina Rose

Monday Mornings

You reminded me of a Monday morning cigarette break

That between awake and asleep

Feeling

Wishing

the day away

With my rolled-up heart

Charred around the edges

 Wishing for white sheets and plump pillows

But lusting for the blackness

That came with your presence.

Your kiss with its darkness

And your charcoal throat

The same warmth

that arrived with a raspy inhalation

of smoke through nose to chest,

My tar lungs and cigarette breath.

Burnt out amber

Of orange and black  

Sparks against pavement

The miniature fireworks

Under my fake Laboutin shoe.

You were my

Narcotic, Insomniac Addiction

Darling, Come Monday morning

I thought of you.

-Tina Rose