The October full moon came,
In autumn leaves
In death and chances,
A circle of milky white magic,
against a starless black tablecloth
with Halloween next door
In grey fog and amongst orange pumpkins
Black ravens flocked,
I said my curses
I spoke my wishes,
The witches were out
swirled through the air, thick and fast,
My October gift to you.
And your name will pop up every blue moon as a warning mainly, remember him?
The friends who knew me then will say I loved you far too much, such a mistake they say, we are so happy you are in a better place.
Because there was love and then there was him.
But they do not know I am still right where you left. Eighteen, with bright wide eyes, my chaotic mind and wonky heart, still waiting for you to come back. I swear, this lifetime will pass in winters and summers, in life and death, and I will still love you. Years and decades will come and I will search for you in other people, I will see you in crowds, will swear I glimpsed your face for only a moment.
Because ours was a wildfire love.
It spread too quickly and before we could say slow down, we were engulfed, We were too caught up in each other, With each red and orange flame licked kiss bringing us to the precipice of our messed up teenage romance.
Because there was love and then there was us.
My life with you was a rollercoaster ride
I did not want to get off
I was used to the rise and fall in my tummy
Used to the chaos you brought
Used to the mess you left
There were nights when I was tucked into him
peaceful, quiet, safe,
Where I longed for your fast paced kiss.
By night, the map of your body
is like the warmth of sunlight on my hands.
with dancing fingertips
trace your outline continuously
came for me.
I am convinced I had not known pure joy until I met you.
Of course, I had felt sunbeams on my face and seen beauty in sunsets and the sound of the ocean. Heard a baby’s laugh and slept in someone’s arms that I loved. Seen snowflakes and sunrises and many wondrous things. But I would have given up all pleasures of the world for you. It is not a secret that you will never stop dazzling me. I had never known beauty until you and I would not be surprised if I lived my whole life and never found wonder again.
The morning I left, I left you in bed
with a coffee-stained love note.
My shirt, only half tucked in,
My hair only half done, a loose bun,
but I was halfway out the door
with one shoe on and a triangle of toast
dangling from my cherry red lips.
How I did not kiss you goodbye in fear of branding you bloody
How whilst on my early commute to work
I wished I had.
Before the move;
Ape, murmur, obey.
I am twin of your voice
What a shame I wear day
As though I were insane,
You obedient with moves, bold echoing
motions, image, moods
Until you rock the enemy
Then you move
The chess piece starter
to be grown, sensible,
whilst I maddening.
Our Love pencil smudged.
How you could not help but make it anything but mathematical,
How I could not help but hate you for it.
Our Tracing paper love ripped
Your logical brain and my rubber heart a useless eraser,
Did she feel how I feel?
Will you keep on the straight and narrow
don’t you dare pencil me out now
and fall in love with the point of the compass
whilst detesting my soft projector curve,
Was I too woman for you?
The sharp point of your own silver compass, cold and piercing,
How I would always come back to you, scratched,
my heart a fistful of crumpled equation paper.
How I would try to multiply and add whilst you would divide and
subtract our relationship.
How you could never quite let me go.
So go ahead, Tell me Again,
Tell Me you love me 360 degrees.
The witching hour
Our midnight equinox secret
The raven blood and white magic that bound us together
Your love a mood stone of contrasting colours how you could not love me just black and white
A star name
An in the next life darling,
The universe of us rotating,
Parallel lines aligned, the stars finally coming together,
Oh, won’t you love me until the sky turns black and the stars scatter.
I didn’t write for a whole year
Because I was so happy,
La la la
In pretty dresses,
My Sunday best,
Your arms warm
wrapped around me like a
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wrap myself in blankets now,
I traded dresses for trousers,
I don’t wear much makeup anymore;
I am starting to think it was all for you.
Maybe it was,
Perhaps it’s all just a transaction in the end.
Perhaps now I’ll make my own cocoon
I will stop waking up at 3am, wondering how a pillow replaced your chest.