Everything and Nothing

Everything made sense with you

Nothing made sense with you

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Your Rollercoaster Girl

I think you were waiting for me to tell you that you were off the hook three years of your life wasted the sigh of relief at breaking the contract the oath of the long haul smashed my heart in pieces and ate the soft centre the look of surprise as though you were unaware there would be sharp edges blood dripping from your mouth onto our white pillows the ones we bought in the Zara home sale will you still remember my name five years from now and my lollipop tongue will you miss my smell my laugh and think of me sometimes like pepper spray to the eyes it will hurt like the agony I felt when you left remember the Ikea furniture flat pack all over our living room floor there is still a pink stain on the wall from the wine glass I smashed in a temper tantrum like a child I throw things and like an adult you walk away from me but difference is you don’t come back I leave the mark there for proof that I did not imagine our red raw lust love that felt like forever but turned bone white regret what do you do when it is painful to stay and painful to go I think I will sit here and wait I think you will walk as fast as you can away from that rollercoaster girl.

In the End

That was how I loved you in the end

From the top of a cliff

Jumping 

A leap of faith in the dark

Falling

with grasping reaching arms

Not knowing 

if you were at the bottom

to catch me

Or not. 

Burnt

Move on, my mother told me.

If you wait for him,

you will be an old woman.

But how long does someone wait

when they would walk through fire

to reach you?

Three Years

You told me the love story of how your mother and father met. They were young. They loved and left. Three years later they found each other again, somehow, by chance. Love returned. I loved this story. I guess, I thought, if I waited long enough you would come back to me too. We would have that epic love story that was always on the precipice, on the tips of our tongues, in the way you would look at me, in the way I would look at you. But the years passed, in seasons, in ups and downs, as life always does, and we did cross paths, lives, even bodies; I let you into my home, my bed. But you were a visitor and you never quite returned to me. You were older now, ambitious, but still the same to me. I was older now too, you said, all grown up, 25. It’s funny. But in my mind I was still 22, right there where you left, like a child I stood, just waiting for you to come back home. 

Ours

Ours was a love story told many times before.

How we found each other without looking and how it lasted for as long as it could.

I will always remember that corridor behind that green door in that quaint little city.

How we would both call it home for a year.

Midnight Blue

You were with me when I had my mid-twenties crisis

And cut off all of my hair

Even you could not save me from myself

I know you would try

Madness runs in my family, I’d say, laughing

A cherry stem between my teeth

Chunks of midnight hair in my hands.

WOMEN

My Acrostic poem for International Women’s Day 2019.

W ild Women, hear us roar. We have been rising from the ashes for years. Did you see us coming?

O ur ability to be what we want to be in Society today. The votes, the choices we have. The sacrifices our predecessors made. But how many women all over the world are still fighting to get their voices heard?

M en we call you to arms to support us as we promise to support you. We know the world is tough on you too.

E pitome of strength and courage. Do you hear how fierce our hearts beat? Does it scare you or does it make you proud? Of your daughters, your sisters?

N ow it is our time to remind the world of our journey. Do you see how far we have come? Do you see how far we have still to go?

The Flower

I was that little girl who would water dead flowers to try to bring them back to life

Who grew into a woman who would love and give too much.

Even now, I am sad when fresh flowers, vibrant and beautiful, die.

I think that was how you left me in the end. Unwatered and clinging to life. 

The Goddess and the Sailor Boy

The secrets of us were tucked between my ribs

With writings of love and loss and

inklings of passion, betrayal

The story of a goddess and a sailor boy

her palm pressed against the milky moon

How she tried to keep him close with incantations

But always knew he belonged to the waves of the sea

and there was no keeping him from it

The goddess was seasick but the sailor was free.